In one of your songs called "Struggle" you said, "It’s not about what
you been thru or what you earn / It’s about the where you’re goin’ and what
did you learn". When you look at your career now, from the perspective of
the past 15 years, what is the most valuable lesson that you've learned
about yourself?
I think maybe the most important thing I have learned is to have patience
with the process and not to give up and also to keep your expectations to a
minimum and try to have fun with what you are doing. Hard work and vision
always leads somewhere beautiful...maybe not where you expect, but it
always seem to be divine in how things end up.
You began rapping at age of 9. You were also the member of the group
called Thunder and Lightning. What did you talk about in your songs back
then? Do you recall those days with fondness?
Haha, I do recall them with fondness for sure. I was obsessed with Salt N
Pepa. I only remember a few lines, it was all kind of like, "we are
awesome, hear us roar kinda thing". I remember being more about the dance
steps than the rap. We always switched/argued over who was thunder and who
was lightning too. We recording on cassette players, taking pics and
putting them on the tapes. We performed for our families, and gave them
tapes. I joked that without a Spindarella we could never survive.
Why rap music? It's such an unusual interest for the young lady who just
entering adolescence. What makes it so special in your eyes, so different
from other music genres?
It wasn’t something my friends listened to really, but I went to gymnastic
camp when I was like 8 years old with kids from all over the country and
thats when I found Salt N Pepa and TLC and I was hooked, I never stopped
seeking out hip hop. And I just loved the poetry, the storytelling, and all
I learned from hip hop. I also see activism to be a integral element of
hiphop and a lot of my music has an activist message to it.
Your songs are like a diary. A diary of an observer of various phenomena
that accompany us in this world. According to Picasso the artist is a
receptacle for emotions that come from different places. Do you think that
these words also describe you? Your songs are the result of the
accumulation of certain feelings that you release through your music?
I like that, it makes sense. I am a spiritually motivated person and always
kind of feel like artists are “spoken through” from a larger consciousness
that is one part collective, and one part universal impulse to create from
god, source or whatever you might call it. I definitely am very empathic
and feel all kinds of emotions from other things, people, events, etc and I
know they impact my writing and interests.
Being an artist is also a big responsibility. Especially when his
greatest strength is the word. Your lyrics can inspire but also they can
shape the worldview of people who listen to your songs. We are desperately
looking for new role models these days. Are you wondering about that when
you write your rhymes? Do you think how your words will be received by the
audience?
I think about that for sure. I was so heavily impacted by music my whole
life. But I don’t think you need to force anything, I think it's just about
speaking your truth and about what matters to you. There will always be
people that don’t resonate, understand, or agree with how you see things,
but that is why I think self expression is so important- for ALL people to
see and experience different perspectives. Everyone has a gift to share and
a message to give. We might use different mediums to do so, but it's how
we can cultivate the inherent oneness and similarities between us. We have
so much more in common than we think. Your sad or violent story about your
past can have be so inspirational and powerful in helping someone feel less
alone, than an inspirational story or idea. It all has a place.
Your personal life wasn't the easiest one. As you admit you don't know
much about your biological parents. You were adopted as a child. How old
were you when that happened?
I was about 8 days old when my adoptive family picked me up. It was
certainly defining in many ways. I lost my dad that raised me 11 years ago,
my mom had a near death bout with cancer that scared the shit out of me,
and my birth mom did not want to meet. I was devastated, as it was right
around when my dad passed, so I felt extra sad and defeated. I’ve struggled
with a lot of anxiety and depression and a slew of other things. But on
the flip side, my mom survived and is amazing, I met my birth father who
welcomed me into his family and helped me understand why I do what I do.
We were recently on an Oprah show together! And now, I am having a baby
with the love of my life and love what I do and the amazing "fr-amily"
around me. There are always ups and downs in life and lessons that come
from those things that challenge us. EVERY person has a hell they lived
through, and god-willing can overcome, and use to motivate, inspire and
appreciate what they have. As much as I miss those who have passed, they
are with me. And all the other shit I have dealt with, I wouldn’t change,
it made me understand life more deeply, gain strength and appreciate the
moment.
"This has always had a very deep effect on who I am and how I deal with
life". That's what you wrote on your website. Did you try to get to know your roots, discover who you are?
Yes, as mentioned above, I have really crazy stories about how I even found
them, that would take several pages to explain. Long story short- it was a
closed adoption so my birth mom was not anticipating being found and when
she was, I don’t think was prepared. I totally understand this though. I
have studied the psychology of adoption and all I really want is for her to
be okay and feel released from any sort of guilt. And, like I mentioned, I
also found my birth dad in a really crazy way and he didn't even know I
existed. He and my aunt were super famous in the 70s and 80s. I was
conceived via a one night stand where my birth-father was on tour and my
birth-mom a front desk girl at a hotel! But I didn’t know any of this
until my 20’s and had this sorta underlying thing going on, where I felt
like there was always something wrong with me, I was never good enough, and
I felt sorta alien in many ways. But these are common feelings for humans
to have and they manifest from all sorts of situations. I think
feeling “abandonment”
is more common that we realize, and often felt even when someone isn’t
actually "abandoned" but perhaps not given the love they deserve. That's
what it all is, if you perceive or believe there is a lack of love, it's
damaging. This is why I am so committed to sharing music about self love,
and planet love, and just being love to all those around you, it can make
enormous impacts to love someone unconditionally.
Now, you're going to be a mother soon. The gift of life is one of the
greatest miracles that happens to us. Is your way of thinking, the earlier
approach to many issues changed because of that?
I have never done this before so I can’t totally say how I feel, but I know
I am sooooo grateful for this chance to be a mom and love this child
unconditionally, and learn from him. I think children are our greatest
teachers. I want to protect and care for him and I am so excited about it.
And how do you imagine your future career after the birth of your child?
You'll still be just as active as before, or maybe it's motherhood that
will come to the fore?
I think I have been a workaholic for a long time, so I am pretty used to
being “on” all the time. When you love something, it's easy to be that
way. When you love the people you work with, who truly are my family it's
even easier...especially when it allows for your self expression. I think
motherhood is about being in the “on” position all the time. I really value
my spiritual life, so it will be about balance and choosing what is
important. I may need to meditate a bit more for example to stay
centered. I am very lucky that my career and businesses are very mutable,
that I will be able to spend much of my time with the baby and still create
and facilitate growth. But, I have never done this and part of me wants a
whole bunch of kids, which would put my career more and more on the back
burner. But I also think kids will inspire my music and dreams even more.
It will be exciting to see how it ends up.
What will say to your child when one day ask you for your dearest
childhood memory? What will you tell about?
I think I would tell him about the cabin. My family and a ton of other
families shared this old hunting cabin with 10 beds in one room. It was so
wonderful going there with my mom, dad and godparents. My godmom also
passed, so it will be a great thing to tell him about two of his ancestors
that meant so much to me. And, there was no water so we got it from a
stream, there was an outhouse with tons of spider stories (i love spiders
now), and a hilarious story about a bear eating all of our food - we
thought my dad might get eaten too. It was so simple, no electricity, we
would just take long walks and pick berries and play. Plus my grandpa who
died when I was 18 was such a big part of those memories too.
So let’s end how we start - if it’s really about “the where you’re
goin’ and what did you learn”, what is the biggest lesson parents can teach
their children?
I think the most important thing we can do in this world is LOVE
unconditionally and accept unconditionally AND then from that place, I
think literally all the troubles we face as a global community can be
solved, because we will have a greater understanding and perspective of how
things got to where we are. So much of the problems come from a lack of
love for ourselves and the planet and each other, which then breeds an
inability to take responsibility for our action and insights fear,
competition, wastefulness, greed, and so much more negative junk. So I
want to teach my child that you can love and accept and still be a warrior
for progressive and positive evolution.
Thank you for your time. It was a real honor for me. I wish you and all
your family health and happiness in life. Take care.
Journalist: Kamil Mrozinski