INTERVIEW

Shelley Lubben - "I have had more near death experiences than anyone I personally know and I have been SUSTAINED..."

Shelley Lubben-I have had more near death experiences than anyone I personally know and I have been SUSTAINED...

At the beginning of our conversation I’d like to thank you that you’ve found time for us and that you agreed to do this interview. It’s a great honor for me. Before we get to the subject of your current activity, I’d like to know what is your nicest memory related to your family home? Do you have any?

Yes of course I had some good memories like when my Father would fly a kite with me and I raised hamsters and showed my dog at pet shows. I loved animals and still do. I’m a rabbit breeder today! I also was highly creative and wrote poems and short stories and plays. Being creative helped me get through the pain.

I asked about it because according to French writer André Maurois: "Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold". I have a feeling that from the youngest years, your life was lacked of parental warmth. As you admit when you were nine years old, your brother and sister sexually abused you. If our emotions are the reflection of our soul, what was the state of your soul in the days of your childhood?

Just to clarify my brother and sister did NOT abuse me. A classmate and her brother abused me. Be sure to fix that! But my state of mind all through childhood and especially in my teen years was that no one paid attention. I felt unloveable and dirty. Also I was raised on television so I was very confused about life if we were a supposed Christian family.

This experience probably had an impact on the decisions that you've made ​​in your later life. You became a prostitute when you were 18. How did this happen? Why did you decide to go down this road? Well, it seems that there was no one around who would effectively dissuaded you from this intention.

When my father kicked me out of the home I was filled with rage. I was already angry at my parents for the neglect and not caring enough about me but when he kicked me out with nothing and I was homeless on the street with no food, I was lured in by a pimp. I first thought I could never do that but I heard a voice say, “God doesn’t care. Your parents don’t care.”  And I thought yeah why should I care. And I sold myself into prostitution for $35. The first trick was very gentle and kind and that made me think at least a nice man wanted me. But then the pimp started selling me to abusive tricks and he also was abusive. So I escaped away from him and a madam helped me out. I swore I wouldn’t do prostitution again but I had no education, drivers license or any means to get a job. My license was suspended at age 17. Also I was VERY naïve about the world. I didn’t know how to do anything because I was never taught how to survive. But I learned pretty quickly about what street survival meant. Abusive men were my best teachers.

You also entered the adult film industry when you were 24 years old. You appeared in over 10 films, which are difficult to specify only as "making love" term. How do you recall your beginnings in the role of professional porn star? Was it hard to ... start?

I actually did more like 30 movies. Some of them are not going to show up on the internet as it may have been amateur or it’s outdated and no longer produced or a company closed down. Making love is NOT the term I would use. There is no love in porn. It was very hard to start. I was so scared about having sex with people I never met. I was so nervous and only drugs and alcohol could get me through it. Also, once the movie started I felt a very dark presence say to me, “Shelley, I will make you famous and everyone will love you.” And it entered me and I became a demonized crazy person who could do supernatural feats that mere humans couldn’t get through sexually. I was a circus start. That’s what porn is. A big circus. I call it “Circle Maximus” and I write about that in my book.

As far as I remember they called you Roxy. Did you choose this name by yourself or maybe you were forced me to make this choice? To be honest with you, it doesn’t sound sexy for me.

Yes I chose it as I couldn’t think of one as no one told me how to choose so I just named my porn character after the nightclub Roxy in Hollywood.

For many people, sexuality is a very intimate topic. When it becomes an integral part of our work, it ceases to be something unusual. Tell me, despite many experiences that you had, was sex still giving you satisfaction​​, pleasure? Is this aspect of your work had a bearing on your sex life?

No, after a while you are too desensitized and I even had trouble with having an orgasm in my personal life. I was so beat up and numbed to the pain and of course drugs and alcohol were a daily part of my life. When I got married I couldn’t feel my husband touching me in my breasts that’s how desensitized I had become and it took me years to get back the feeling.

You mentioned your husband. As far as I know, you met each other at the bar in 1994. Shortly after that you became a very good friends. What was so special about him?

He was unlike any man I had ever known. He was kind and he offered to clean my dirty condo and he brought me food and he loved my daughter. He grew up in a very Godly Dutch family and he was raised by pastors. He had a perfect childhood so he was really just a nice man who cared about me. It wasn’t like a physical attraction at least for me because he wasn’t my type but 19 years later he is definitely my type!

It seems that he’s an ideal man for a woman far from ideal. What have you learned about yourself after 19 years of marriage?

I have learned to serve and not be served. When two people in a marriage are both serving each other, that is truly a great marriage.

Now, I read it on your website: "It was torture for seven years. I was miserable, I was lonely. Eventually I turned to drugs and alcohol, and attempted suicide." That’s the way how Jenna Presley described her career in this specific industry. These feelings weren’t also foreign to you. You battled alcohol and drug addictions and what's more important you struggled with cervical cancer which resulted in the removal of half of your cervix. What has happened in your head when you woke up after surgery? Did you tell yourself then "that’s enough, I need to change my life"? It seems that you found strength in God.

I was already in recovery and trusting in God and my life was getting better in every area and WHAM I am diagnosed with cervical cancer. I started to search on the internet and God told me to STOP because He would heal me and for me to only trust in Him. So that’s what I did and today I am cancer free.

I believe that women deserve great respect because of the role they play in society. But the porn industry deprives them of their dignity. It shows that carnality is worth more than personality. What do you think when you look at young people who learn about male-female relationships from pornographic movies? Some of them don’t even know that real life doesn’t look like that. How do you feel today knowing that you were a part of this imaginary world?

It’s absolutely tragic that kids are learning sex from drug addicted, mentally ill diseased people who are demonized. Parents need to PUT THEIR PORN DOWN and get the healing they need and then help your child heal. Parents who don’t view porn need to sit their child down and have a straightforward talk about sex. It’s either the parent or the porn star who will teach your child.

I promised you that it’s going to be an interview with music in the background so I think it’s time to talk about your artistic career. In 2011 you released your debut CD entitled “Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn”. It was a rap album. Why rap music? I mean, blondes don’t rhyme, didn't you know that?

(Laughing out loud) I actually made the CD to get our message out to a younger audience and I also did it to raise funds for pink cross. It was really fun and I even got to write much of the songs. I have been a creativer writer since I was a child so that was really fun to do. I didn’t plan on rapping but my Hip Hop guy Ricky B pretty much forced me to.

I wonder what were your expectations for the release of this album? If you could describe its content, what kind of words would you like to use?

I wanted to open eyes and have them really learn the dark side of porn and I also wanted to encourage people that we can rise up and get the healing we need.

And do you think it helped them to see that? To realize how bad this really is?

I think it reached an audience that I may have not been able to reach. I try to reach out to people with my message in very different ways to reach a wider audience. For me, getting the message out and making a large impact is what I am called to do.

I think that your album was a continuation of your book released year earlier. Its title was "The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn: The Greatest Illusion on Earth". What prompted you to write it? Writing about your past life had to hurt. Weren't you afraid of the reaction of people who read the book?

Well, I wrote it in two and a half months so it was a God thing. I had never written an autobiography and I was really surprised at how powerful I wrote it. It had to be God. Then I wrote a prophecy in the last chapter that definitely was from God. I couldn’t have written that. It’s interesting to note there are hidden meanings in my book. For example, God told me to write the book in 29 chapters and the thirtieth chapter was a prophecy to Christians who view pornography. Then He told me I had to write the chapters in Roman numerals so that was the prophecy would be in Chapter XXX. God is so smart! I seriously could have never figured out how or what to fit in twenty nine chapters. God also told me the book had to only be less than 300 pages. 300 represents CCC in Roman Numerals. I suppose God really has a message for His Church regarding pornography.

Since 2007 you're also the President of The Pink Cross Foundation. Could you tell us more about it? You're helping those who left or wishing to leave porn industry. What kind of support do you offer to them?

We do A LOT. I am a major supernaturally empowered multi-tasker. I don’t know how I could have even kept up with God. We were doing conventions and outreaches every month and fighting pornography in court and WOW does the porn industry hate us and especially me. I think that’s a high compliment. J We help women and even men leave porn by offering them resources, education, financial and transitional help when we have the resources. We send out gifts or cards throughout the year to encourage them not to give up. We also now have a community of ex porn stars and we support each other. Due to the attacks on us by the pro-porners I call them, we don’t have girls come out as publicly as we use to. They need time out of the porn environment to really recovery strong. But there is a small army of us who are on the front lines and we can’t be stopped unless God Himself stops us. We also help those addicted to pornography by offering them large doses of truth! Thousands of porn addicts have written to me or told me at events how they have been free from porn since reading our stories. Those stories are full of God’s power and redeeming love and mercy. If God can heal a porn star He can heal anyone!

As Mark Twain rightly pointed out the world owes us nothing. Well, it was here first. They say that we decide our fate ourselves. How would you explain everything that happened to you in life - all these negative experiences, problems that you had to face? You were on the dark side of the sun but came back stronger. What is the biggest lesson that you've learned over these past years?

Trust in the only true God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob who sent His Son Jesus Christ to offer up his life as a love token for us. That’s the greatest lesson I have learned. I have had more near death experiences than anyone I personally know and I have been SUSTAINED. 

What are your future plans? Objectives that you will try to achieve?

I am working on a new book about the tragic over 400 premature deaths among porn stars. My adjective is to keep spreading our powerful message through social media, around the world and I am also in contract to do a TV Project so that will really help me get out our message!

We're heading to the end of this interview, but I’d like to ask you one more question. Tell me, what is your definition of happiness?

The Presence of God, His nature, the family He has given me and unconditional love is my kind of happiness. I raise bunnies, garden in a beautiful backyard with Rose Garden and I do my best to surround myself with loving people and if there aren’t any, the bunnies do just fine! I’m not quite the extravert I use to be. This fight has kind of turned me into an introvert. I enjoy very much being alone with God, nature and my bunnies! It’s therapy for me to get through the pain and filth I am subjected to almost daily. And of course I love my teenage daughters! I am so proud of them. They bring me much happiness. My youngest raises bunnies with me so it’s our special thing. And of course my amazing husband Garrett who has stood by me through hell and through heaven.

Thank you once again for your time. It was a real pleasure for me. I wish health and many further successes in life. Thank you.

Thank YOU!

Journalist: Kamil Mroziński

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